Evening all,

In the past, I have noticed that I sometimes can be unnoticed. This is both useful at times, and saddening at others. An example is that, maybe sometimes I have avoiding paying tram fare, as the conductor just seems to not notice me. In others times, it can be a right bitch, for instance when a group of friends doesn’t notice that you are not there.

Ethics. A tricky issue. There is a thin line between what you are allowed to do, and what you are not allowed to do. However, it is not a fixed point. I have broken my own morals before, to help either myself, or to help others, or both. Where should that line be drawn? I have even broken the law, not to mention my morals, to make someone slightly happier, although I wish the reasons for them being happy were different.Yet, in return, I ask something that has been given before, under similar if not the same circumstances, and it is denied. And my efforts, for both selfish and selfless reasons in fact, will have been for nothing as the person just went behind my back. I think, what I asked, if I knew the situation, if I had have been in the third parties shoes, I would have been ok with it. Yet, one, the third party is a prick (mostly objective opinion), and he has no idea of the situation. However, the person would be happy with me out the way, hence why they are a prick. But I get off topic. Short term is just as important as long term, I think. However, if there is no-one who can help, what am I to do?

What can I do?


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Concepts of Concurrency Part 1

Hello all,

Sorry for my lack of posts in the last few months, and certainly lack of posts that are particularly meaningful. I wish I could say that I hadn’t been posted because I was happy again, but alas that is not the case, in fact it is closer to the opposite, I have been unhappy, and have started to lose the motivation to do many things I used to, including uni work, post here, poetry, pretty much most positive things. But I will come onto this later.

“Run and tell all of the angels, this could take all night…”
Of the many things I am meant to be doing currently, I choose to write here. Why, well there are a few reasons, but mainly I guess that writing on here is not university work, which I am actively avoiding currently, does not involve moving (Which things such as fixing Sam’s phone would) and is not scary, for instance I wish to reply to another friend’s blog, which could go a lot more wrong than posting to the internet! (Unlikely, but then fears never had to play by the rules).

How well do we know another person? Take for instance, how well I know Ed, on my course (for those not on my course, he is a friend, we know each others name, talk if we see each other in a lecture, but that is really). By my very description of mine and his relationships, then it is quite clear that I don’t know him very well – that definition is easy to fall upon. I could easily give examples of people who I should know fairly well, but didn’t, people who I should know fairly well, and I believe I do, and people who I thought I should know fairly well, but it turns out I didn’t. I can’t not guarantee thought that I know anyone completely, or even at a high level of completeness – as I have learned, it is very hard to undeniably proof a fact, and as such we can only take what we learn about people on trust. Which is exactly where the whole concept of trust comes in, we choose to believe a person is telling us the truth, and so their words or actions tell us about them. I am not sure exactly where I am going with this, this started on the grounds of people not always seeing everything there is to a person, in both good and bad ways. I guess I am answering the point, by saying that people will make their minds up on you by the words and actions they see, however if you have not broken your moral code (and you’re moral code is ‘good’), then maybe you would not get on too well with someone who judges you harshly for something you did, but do not deserve to be judged harshly for. Secondly, then when judging others, always try to take into mind there may be more to them that you don’t see.

I will leave this post here, as I left and now, don’t wish to return, but hopefully I will complete a part 2 soon.


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Happy new Year at all.

Robert intends to start blogging again soon, and as such I have been cleaning up the blog. Any users who do not have a e-mail I recognise or a full name entered were deleted. I am sorry if anyone legitimate was deleted, but please in future fill in your name.


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Nothing is never Nothing

It would seem that I am not able to post blog entries on my phone. This is due, for those who care, to my phone not displays the frames properly, resulting in a window about the size of an ‘O’ to write this in. I don’t believe that will work. So, I am forced to make a note of what I want to say on my phone. The Last Resort – posting my problems here in the hope it will cheer me up, as I don’t know where else to turn to. But me coming here is not what I am want to talk about or rage about today.
There are always problems, it is always hard. Or more realistically, it is hardly ever easy. However, these problems are causing more problems. Or they are becoming bigger problems. One and the same really.
I am quite competitive. I am not sure why, I know it comes from my childhood, so maybe it is genes, maybe it is some socialisation factor. I don’t know, and right now don’t care. However, this means that I don’t like to lose. I am better than I used to be. I can handle losing usually, although sometimes other factors make me weaker. However I still am not ok at losing in a way that I feel is unfair and usually involves me losing badly. Such an event occurred tonight, with Mark, an ex of Abi’s over. He may be a good friend of Abi’s, and a friend of mine, but the fact he is an ex comes first. Here at least, but I digress. It was a stupid event, one not worth me typing here. But I got annoyed. Things got worse. I got more annoyed, and under my workings on my failings I decided best for me to quit. Abi asked me what was wrong, to which I replied nothing, and then I said, maybe a little angrily that I am dropping out, you two can play, and threw my remote at the sofa next to Abi. She immediately angrily exclaimed “Why did you throw that at me?”, to which I replied that I threw it next to her, not at her at all. She then has pretty much ignored me, after saying we might as well go to bed. We are now all on our laptops (I moved to my laptop from my phone as the keyboard is not designed for long amounts of typing.) I don’t know how to make myself feel better, but at least one person was able to, and ignoring the problem won’t help it at all. I want a girlfriend who cares if I am angry or annoyed, not just ignores me and the issue when it happens.

Am I being unreasonable?


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Before I begin, I know that calling this post untitled is in fact, titling it, making it not-untitled. It is an oxymoron, and has a few meanings.
So, without further ado, hello there! How are my devoted readers? I don’t *think* anyone reads this any more, most of my hits come from Google bot (<3), and despite wishing to implement a system years ago, that would allow me to view more than just today’s hits, I have as of yet, not. However – I have had almost 10,000 hits since I installed the mod – so all good!

Someone, who I care about, I guess, is making more and more wishes. Not the best word, not even the right word, but the best word I can think of. Not unlike some of my poems, dreaming about the past, she posts the same. More poetic, yet prose, better said, yet more cryptic, hiding her thoughts, but the same.

Distance is a killer. I have ever been prepared to travel, back from when I was a wee little lad of the age of the 13, wanting to travel up to Leicester, to now, a not so wee lad, previously having a beard, wanting to drive to see people – yet I am not wanting there. I crave the thrill of the instantaneousness (long word! :p) to a degree, I offer, and would actually enjoy someone asking me to come to them quickly, and then me doing just that, dropping everything. However much you plan for something, then it is a freeing feeling to be able to drop everything when you need to. Yet, I am not wanted to be seen, I do not know why. Promises, forgotten, lies said to comfort a hurt soul. You are not paranoid if you are right.

Lastly, I am not sure what to do. I worked out why, things got better, and now worse again. One things remains constant. Our the days numbered?

Now, I just noticed that the lights have started to go out, not sure why – but a sign I need to head home maybe?


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Moving on

Some things you just never slip past someone. I had that happen not too long ago to myself. Some things you can slip past a different someone without issue, but attracting attention you didn’t expect.

Who is more important, me or her? Am I happy? What should I do?

I believe the reason I want to trust her, is she may hold the answers. But I don’t think she does, in reality. I want someone to share what is in my head…

A ramble indeed

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Rule 121

You can always go from having sex to being just friends. But doing so increases the likelyhood of having sex by about 50.

And it very rarely works going back to just friends.


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The return of me…

This will be kept short, but I have returned.

Although my poll shows only 2 people read this, I doubt anyone does now. But I want to write here. For understanding, so that others can understand me if they want to.

So expect more posts, anyone who reads this

~ Robert

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