‘Whatever keeps you warm at night…’

Hello all,

I remember earlier today, at bowling. I bowling absolutly rubbishly, but I didn’t care for the most part. Something that is quite rare for me, at a competitive sport, to be doing badly, and yet still having a really good time. And I know why, and it was nothing to do with why others there might have been happy, to do with the lies that I have no choice but to tell all but two people.

Still, whenever I think of things ‘She’ does, I think of what I was told by my friend, back about 2 years ago. It seems her advice has always been worth taking, she was the only person who thought I might be wrong in the decision I made, and it seems she was right. I don’t begrudge the fact she is with him anymore, I actually realised earlier I have moved on, however she still has responsibilities she isn’t meeting.

My mind moves, with the thought of her now not talking to me at all it seems, of other friends I have lost over the years. I remember that Alison told me, back in year 1, that I should forgive myself for my mistakes, and not always blame myself. Yet, if I didn’t do something wrong, it seems they just found people better than me.

As I write this, my mind races, I find it hard to concentrate, and I had the weird distance perception thing a while back. How do I break this loop?


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