I doubt this will be as long as my usual ‘rambles’ posts, as I need to be up in 4 hours, 15 minutes. I have a bowling competition, in Leeds, of all places. And yes, I realise the irony of this, although I don’t believe anyone does – me and my feelings on Leeds that is, not the fact there is a bowling competition there. More on this later.
Maths. A subject, yes. But talking about it does mean you refer to it at its base class. I referred, implicitly to statistics, and maybe if you were not certain what I meant, you should have stayed the fuck off my status. On the note of what I actually meant, aye – statistics. Statistics I don’t like, that place me well below average. Am I really that bad? OkCupid reports that, from guys, on average, 1 out of 3 messages are responded to. I don’t get anywhere close to that rate. Does this mean there is something wrong with me, as a good number of the people view my profile, but then I receive no reply? What am I doing wrong, I am expected to give advice, I am meant to always have an answer, but how can I advise on something I am failing at myself? And most importantly, how am I meant to believe Her or my friends, when they tell me I am a ‘good catch’, if the evidence, the logic says differently.
Her. Aye… I made a promise to one of my very closest friends, which I truly intend to keep, but it will not be easy, not easy at all. I don’t know what other light to look for, before I would be happy, then very sad, now it seems it will just be sad, sadder. Its not fair to the others who care about me, but I can’t help how I feel. I can not help but also fear the lose of those important to me, it is happened before. And before people told me just because it happened before it might not happen again, and yet it did.
What should I do?