It would seem that I am not able to post blog entries on my phone. This is due, for those who care, to my phone not displays the frames properly, resulting in a window about the size of an ‘O’ to write this in. I don’t believe that will work. So, I am forced to make a note of what I want to say on my phone. The Last Resort – posting my problems here in the hope it will cheer me up, as I don’t know where else to turn to. But me coming here is not what I am want to talk about or rage about today.
There are always problems, it is always hard. Or more realistically, it is hardly ever easy. However, these problems are causing more problems. Or they are becoming bigger problems. One and the same really.
I am quite competitive. I am not sure why, I know it comes from my childhood, so maybe it is genes, maybe it is some socialisation factor. I don’t know, and right now don’t care. However, this means that I don’t like to lose. I am better than I used to be. I can handle losing usually, although sometimes other factors make me weaker. However I still am not ok at losing in a way that I feel is unfair and usually involves me losing badly. Such an event occurred tonight, with Mark, an ex of Abi’s over. He may be a good friend of Abi’s, and a friend of mine, but the fact he is an ex comes first. Here at least, but I digress. It was a stupid event, one not worth me typing here. But I got annoyed. Things got worse. I got more annoyed, and under my workings on my failings I decided best for me to quit. Abi asked me what was wrong, to which I replied nothing, and then I said, maybe a little angrily that I am dropping out, you two can play, and threw my remote at the sofa next to Abi. She immediately angrily exclaimed “Why did you throw that at me?”, to which I replied that I threw it next to her, not at her at all. She then has pretty much ignored me, after saying we might as well go to bed. We are now all on our laptops (I moved to my laptop from my phone as the keyboard is not designed for long amounts of typing.) I don’t know how to make myself feel better, but at least one person was able to, and ignoring the problem won’t help it at all. I want a girlfriend who cares if I am angry or annoyed, not just ignores me and the issue when it happens.
Am I being unreasonable?